:)

170112

2012-01-17T00:34:00.002+08:00

Project Me Day today! Only one lect in the morning so set off to town to get the rest of CNY stuff and did. quite rewarding :)

*emo* okay nothing much to pout about. You've been quite a brat today already so stop sulking. :|

It's been a month! Again! So Christmas and NY have passed, as usual celebrated with close friends :) School has also started, though I've not really regained momentum. Or maybe just a change of priorities. Nevertheless, the CAP/Honours thing is still a Sword of Democles (courtesy of huimin!).

And my tutee dumped me :( Officially unemployed (Okay, not that officially, took Econs before leh) and my bank account is depleting rapidly. Argh. Bank Account Y U No Money! Really hate that feeling when I saw the figures reduce, even if it isn't my fault. That said, I just paid $400 for a year's supply of contacts. I. might. be. High. Maintenance :x

Flag's been pretty alright since the last OCC. PA has been having quite a few outings, like the fortnightly workout and HSC. The latter is pretty cool for someone not very interested in biology. I actually touched the crab :D And the doc keeps name-dropping VB! Super awesome though we might have to go down quite alot. But oh well, what's life for. :) Might join scamp despite tight schedule i.e. prep is right after returning from Hainan, two weeks later is the camp, followed IMMEDIATELY by OIC (formerly known as OCC) the following day of break camp. But you only live once. Or rather, you only get to be Year 2 once. Come Year 3, LEPAK :)

I shall try to be less depressed about not getting to eat a proper lunch tmr again. Oh I almost forgot. On the eve of school reopen, I came down with a case of hives. After taking meds it subsided. So I went to see the dentist and ended up plucking out my sensitive tooth, rendering me unable to eat properly for the time being. Then on Thursday, the hives returned, full-blown on Friday until I went to the doc for meds. Now I'm fine but having endured a week plus of sick and soft food, I crave meals. That plus the fact on first og lunch of the year I freaking overslept and on the second I did the same thing but due to meds. (And cabbed both times like wts.) and there's no lunch tmr. Oh well. At least I'm seeing 3047 tmr. :)

ENKRATEIA. I will not be brought down.
:)

201211

2011-12-20T16:39:00.001+08:00

yes i'm late! i know! but for a reason! last week i was in taiwan. and i'm really lazy to blog about it as so much went on! maybe a summary would be that it was cold, my family fought and we had made it safely back after alot of sightseeing. a harsh takeback from it would be that my parents are growing older though :( emo much. sigh.

just got my results back this morning.. and i swore the first minute i woke up. sigh. kind of expected it but you can never really prepare yourself entirely. stupid core mods :( oh well let's do some cap-pullers in sem2! rah! managed to persuade myself that it was not a bad day for me even though public transport was not v persuasive. but ultimately we completed ICC in ard 2h+ and all that's left is to catch that elusive vendor within this week! haven't really been idle since school ended w the trip and meetings from both comms and meetups. 12h occ and 8h shopping trips have given me blisters on my feet! on a brighter note, NO MORE SENGKANG. MUAAHAHAH! have to try resting my feet. yet i've put on weight. my belly is f*ing huge. yes. :(

busy week.. work starts on saturday. contractor work hahaah so it's a last rush to finish my major meetups and shopping before concentrating on work. in addition there's module planning too. argh. oh myyyyyy rah.

not alot on my mind though. the same few things. trying to make full use of life, be it self-fulfillment or recreation. miss my friends though. :) swinginggggggggg it. :)

cheers!
enkrateia :)

151111

2011-11-15T23:07:00.002+08:00

HELLO!

it's been another month!

it's officially Reading week now and it's mug time!

completed my agenda for today so am taking the night off.

intellectual recreation courtesy of national geographic. damn awesome ;)

if i were to really study in fass i would be in psych or soci. but that's another thing altgt :P

tmr is philo day! let's gooooo :D

been having lotsa complicated dreams recently.

and they involve different subjects every night.

(that said, i can't recall what i had last night?)

first night it was A, second it was Barney (HIMYM! of course) and third it was B,

where A & B shall not be named for various purposes :P

such weird and vivid dreams often leave me disoriented the following morning..

can't help it. my dreams are the indicator to my stress levels in the day :/

i miss my friends! can't wait for dec..

outings, flag stuff, PA stuff, taiwan..

and maybe work. (yes, hm if you happen to read this, i am STILL trying to work smth out w them.)

cant wait for life to carry on :)

i like learning but i hate studying :(

contentment.

approximation to happiness.

:)))

just don't give me alcohol.

cheers!

131011

2011-10-13T23:43:00.003+08:00

he's pitchy at times but love the rocker thing, and the raspy voice :)

i like to replace 'sad' with 'tired'.

i refuse to admit defeat, and would rather replace it with weariness, exhaustion or ennui.

jaded.

it's week 9 :)

4 more academic weeks, followed by a study week and 2 of exams and FREEDOM!

just had subcomm tea, joined TWO instead this sem.

different reasons for joining the two comms.

nevertheless, start of a new journey.

we must never take our comfort zone to be a given!

and even more, you should take the initiative to shake things up a little, esp if you're getting too accustomed..

fitting right into school life, with close friends and a momentum,

i chose to restart socially by plunging head first into arrangements i'm in alone.

dear self,

you only have yourself to blame.

love, self.

may it be for the better.

if you tell yourself to let it be, it will be.

one thing out of philo and quantum is logic.

clearer perspective, analysis of problems.

i detest being irrational,

and i find it tedious to understand irrational behavior.

i hate being irrational myself.

being unable to comprehend my way out of the problems..

helplessness.

i hate that i still get that.

ohwell. human after all..

you're the only one not allowing yourself to feel.

should just give myself a small pat on the back for being able to withstand the past 9 weeks.

never thought you'd be able to go through this.

everyday. pretending to be sane.

pretending to be fine and dandy.

;）

it's a start right. one day it might become

real.

from now till then..

卑猥? 落魄? 狼狈?

there goes my command of chinese,

as well as my english.

bidding essay skills farewell..

far cry from the past?

seems like i'm past my heyday :/

or is it really the different priorities.

i sure do miss 17 year old me, sans bad hair.

where i knew where i was going..

bye.

2011-10-07T20:27:00.000+08:00

Your Existing Situation

Feels there are barriers between herself and the essential things she desires.

Your Stress Sources

"Recent disappointments and failures have led her to be overly cautious. Needs to feel secure and safe from being further let down, looked over, or losing respect. Has no hope that things will get better, mostly because she makes irrational demands on others and refuses to compromise."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Finds satisfaction in sexual activity, but is emotionally detached which prevents her from becoming too involved."

He is being forced to be happiness and pleasure on hold for new due to her limiting circumstances.

"Willing to become emotionally involved, but is demanding and picky when choosing a partner. Is careful not to bring out conflict or disagreements as this may decrease her chances of achieving her goals and ideas."

His arrogance causes her to take offense quickly. Only those closest to her know deep down she is sensitive and sentimental.

Your Desired Objective

"Feels that nothing can upset her or phase her and is constantly trying to prove that to herself and others. Believes she is better than any weakness. As a result of her beliefs, she comes across as harsh or severe to those around him, with an overbearing and arrogant attitude."

Your Actual Problem

"Has been disappointed and let down, believes it is pointless to come up with new goals as they will most likely disappoint as well. Needs to be recognized and respected, but is worried about the future. Reacts by avoiding situations where she will be criticizes or others will attempt to influence her. Tries to take charge of the situation by controlling the details and strengthen her position. "

Your Actual Problem #2

Afraid she will not be able to achieve the things she wants and demands others recognize and acknowledge this right to them.

110911

2011-09-11T18:14:00.003+08:00

hello! a little earlier than scheduled but ohwell i'm pretty bored.

was reading seiyu's post on Truth.

found it quite.. close to heart.

i've always found the universe to work in pretty dark and ironic ways.

or like she put it,

to give you something only to take it away soon after, all in order to teach you

a lesson in treasuring and cherishing the people and possessions around you.

a lesson on transcience.

learning that the people around you will not always be there,

what you take for granted one day might not be yours the next,

and that every day you wake up to a different day, perhaps similar but never identical to the previous.

never really understood why people needed to put a definition to life,

actually come up with a structure for why life does the things it does.

whether there is a god (or gods) and whether life was created or slowly evolved to what we have today.

Why?

what difference would it make if one day, the Darwinians came up with some ultimate proof that their theory was the truth, without any debate whatsoever.

then what?

use the knowledge to pursue interests in creating super beings?

and for what purposes might that be?

and the endless paper and power chases, fortune and fame,

where would it all lead you to?

ultimately, everyone dies.

the same endpoint.

the only meaning that doesn't seem to be futile in this perspective seems ironically to be in mundane everyday life.

ensuring every day you lead made a point.

like one of my lecturers once mentioned, a famous scientist's mother used to ask her son this at the end of everyday:

"Did you ask a good question today?"

making every day worth its while some way, somehow.

be it making someone smile, or helping someone else in need or just doing something that you've not done in a long while (or even ever)

wouldn't it make a more significant difference in a pursuit of and purpose and meaning?

maybe my perspective is overly microscopic, but i really do prefer actually having an objective in my life that might actually impact other people directly. i may not be contributing to the greater good or be behind some major revelation of the century, but i certainly wouldn't mind seeing the results of my efforts in the lives of the people around me.

roarrrr.

coming week 6.

save meeeeee.

school is mundane.

efforts of each other trying to make school a little lighter is getting increasingly overt :P

i love maggie! makes class a little brighter (:

and mike as well of course. haha

and the whole gang. (:

let us just 'hun' through one more week

to recess week! a few days of play and 10 - 8 routine it shall be.

wish me luck

to grasp my mods

and not have to use any S/Us this sem (prepared to!)

foresee after recess week commitment curve will be an exponential increase,

w 2137 and quantum projects,

plus subcomm! woosh.

i. will. not. run. for. science club.

;)

i miss my old friends.

really really do.

no matter how much i see you guys.

i still want to.

more than anything.

mae ri & moo kyul & jung in! ):

korean dramas bring back that hope and warmth that doesn't exist in reality (esp for mine).

dear self, do learn from your mistakes.

stop watching korean dramas!

bye!

160811

2011-08-15T23:59:00.002+08:00

School has started! (:

Short attn span in lects.. v disruptive in a 100-odd lecture :D

So sue me :D

quantum is nerdy

but so am i

can't wait for philo of science too! :D

8am lectures.. are kinda fun with coffee :)

shall i run for scmc?

space calls..

or shall it just be joining svc.

not to mention work and tuition.

and tradeoff of family dinners..

i love my friends! (:

i value them, and they value me.

5 years! love!

i so want to buy new stuff.

geeeeeeeeee.

controllllllll.

save moneyyyyyyyyyy!

;)

and i want to keep the world at arm's length

we're both happier that way

220711

2011-07-22T21:55:00.002+08:00

HEY I ALMOST FORGOT MY JULY ENTRY! HAHA :D

July is a whirlwind of school events :D

After rotting the first week away, off to prep camp where met some new people.

Star-studded house :D CYBERTRON!!!

And new og Neo.

Heh. Unfortunately, I sprained my toe on the first night of camp.

Some dude stomped on it when we were all squeezing on a canvas sheet.

(No idea who the culprit is still though hahaha)

caught HP with sei and wj on day of release at 6 bucks hehhhhhhhh YAY LOOPHOLES

spending lotsa time in school from mon to wed, painting flags, og vid and og id!

thursday was offday baking with bimbos

and did video editing today. the vid is gonna be AWESOME.

thanks to producer/executive producer/director efforts (:

tmr is 08s01 bbq

sunday's day out w xy and nette

monday's og id day + griffin dinner

tuesday's day zero

and off to camp! haha

can't wait for freshies.

((:

长江后浪推前浪,　前浪不断在发胖～

it's been a year.

BOYS = WBD.

Prove me wrong.

CHEERIOS! (:

130611

2011-06-13T23:28:00.002+08:00

heh i'm blogging once a month okay! (:

week 4 of work

okay now i have experienced first hand the ill side of RE

it's tuesday tmr and no contract

and i think let alone my pay increment.

ra. let's just finish this and get on w my holiday!

met up w enna and jos

cuteeeeeeeeeest people eva

stupid old jokes but nevertheless, LOVE(;

todo when i get unemployed:

mani!

bake

rebond

finish reading the B**** (as if)

guitar?

SHOP(:

DVD

MAHJONG!

okayyyyy and shall attempt to meet xuan and xy. hmmm

i love my friends.

they keep loneliness at bay.

yay

boys stink.

buhbye

150511

2011-05-15T00:33:00.006+08:00

/edit

watching worlds crumble down

hearts to smithereens

sigh

another one bites the dust

feeling angsty, even before this.

i'd better not have another nightmare tonight

failed attempt to address one nightmare of the many

guess i'll still have to carry on living with the fear of being found out someday

i'm not emo

i'm just human.

宁静的深夜里，清澈的湖畔反映着月光。

我们背对背,默默地坐在畔边。
已经过了四个小时, 身旁的四个酒瓶也空了。

"只有在夜里, 烟火更显得完美。
只有在夜里, 星星更美丽动人。
但也只有在夜里, 寂寞会静悄悄地找上你。。。"

我不知如何回应,只能默默无言。

"他说我们爱的没有错。。
只是美丽的独秀太折磨。
我以为　我可以无所谓。
我以为　只要能在夜里翻来覆去的时候有寄托, 就足够。
我以为　我可以为了他　无条件付出.
没想到,他自己却没那么想。。。”

她的哽咽随着每句话变得越来越大声.
她开始哭泣。

自己想说的那番话一直卡在喉咙里，不敢出来。
其实，自己早已经看出了他们俩感情的裂痕，却决定不闻不问。
亲爱的，难道你真的看不到吗？
他最后的那句承诺，还是没有为你带走寂寞！
还是你只是害怕清醒。。

---

hello i'm back(:

i still can't rmb what i wanted to blog about last night..

but i'm bored nonetheless so here it goes!

staying home makes me feel.. lonely.

cut off.

though i've discovered a new playmate in the neighbour's cat,

its on & off appearances are starkly.. familiar -.-

spent entire of today watching tv, reading, sleeping, daydreaming.

somehow that led to wondering whet i'd ever get a hug.

like not face-on hm kinda hug (the chest thing still bothers me)

but rather, the sideway hug, often seen in times of consoling and support.

the "it's gna be okay" hug.

it takes a certain build/height/age for that to happen to me..

like the way my dad held my mum on the way out of the crematorium..

support.

okay emo stuff

let's try a little happier.

ummmmm okay i did smth stupid last night

or rather, said smth stupid

but thankfully it wasnt too stupid so everything is fine :D

ahhaah

egoh posed this qn the other night:

"how do you respond when someone calls you silly?"

my response was -.-

similar to my bro's when i asked him, which was "why wld someone call ME silly"

hmmmmm

i've only got alot of 'bimbo' labels.. but nvr rly, 'silly'.

hmm

i love 民歌 alot, but it rly gets the emo started :P

一半. roar

even my mum was so bored she started asking me if i'm interested in anyone -.-

shot back immd "i'm not having this conversation w you"

i dont think i rly need a boyf, but rather just (single) companions..

hmmmmm

bah.

why do things which come easily to most be so elusive to others

lifeeeee.

re-read veronika.

still the reason why i started coelho(:

hoorah i am bored.

buhbye

140511

2011-05-14T00:45:00.002+08:00

i know i said i'm off drinks

but i think i need this one

shaky hands

HOLIDAYYYYYYY

job next week.

MSIA MAY BE CANCELLED DUE TO HAZE

AWWW

okay i was gna type a long one

before the blooger outage

and before the wine

i forgot alr

i'm gna switch the cbox okay

i'll try again tmr.

can't believe what i just did. man!

buhbye

070411

2011-04-07T22:53:00.003+08:00

okay i know i ought to get started on work but

YES

CLEAN UP YOUR ACT

(in progress)

thought it through

thought him through

thought everything through

i'm clear now

rational, logical, (in)sane as before.

emotions complicate things.

realised my brain works its reflexes in a dualistic format.

first it's instinctive

but almost immediately my better judgement considers the rationality and feasibility of the instinct

and more often than not, overwrites it :D

I LOVE CLIQUE

OH LOVE

i rly missed us

finals in.... 2 weeks

not feeling it.

but must keep the faith that things will work out

self doubt will always exist but screw it!

the war is within yourself.

you are your own worst enemy.

graduate in 2013, the most lor

FIGHTING!

Lie To Me ttm post finals

i'll be watching ya

040411

2011-04-04T21:37:00.003+08:00

time check. 9.38pm.

empty house.

empty heart.

Less than 3 weeks to finals.

next thurs som end-of-term

status of studying: intention to start has not translated into action.

my heart is not here.

last sem it might have been work

a physical distraction.

this time,

it's emotional detachment.

the biggest turmoils in my life

don't actually happen.

but they break me up the most nevertheless.

stomped on.

without lifting a foot.

pink nails remind me not to cry.

lovely colour makes me smile(:

colour of empowerment and joy and beauty..

dang.

i'm just not here.

help

210311

2011-03-21T23:25:00.002+08:00

HELLO WHOEVER IS READING THIS!

I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU!

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, ON THIS DAY LAST YEAR?

THINK ABOUT IT. (:

take time out to reflect on where your life has brought you in the past year..

did it meet your expectations, your hopes, fit your plans?

are you the same person 365 days ago, physically, spiritually, emotionally?

(physically of course, biologically maybe not since your cells renew themselves like nuts :P)

a year ago around this time,

i was sitting on my (fat) ass in buona vista,

in a shalt-not-be-named private school typing. and typing. and typing my soul away.

okaye yup i just checked my blog. rants about my work(:

i pretty much quit around this time last year(:

5 weeks to finals,

3 months to SOW.

got me thinking recently about where i've gone over the last year.

beer in feb, buona in march, clt in late apr, nus in july.

rmb thinking abt uni whilst in buona,

shu egging me to go for camp (after missing scamp) for the post-ns guys..

and imagining them as a bunch of freshly bald guys, somehow. hahaha

period of time ago, i was having second thoughts about being in the right school.

after all, (after a collation today) i have 7 classmates in ntu,

and several other good mates there too.

but an epiphany!

never would have met griffins,

never would have met some people who have impacted my life.

so, -fistchest to ya, fate (:

thank you.

exhale..

5 weeks to finals

i dont want to start studying lest i reach the peak of my curve too early again.

yet. the emptiness is. unsettling.

BREAK THAT FAST!!! pls consume more of my time so i dont have time to mope.

chatting up the random schoolmates is oddly therapeutic.

must be from staying away from the shop too long.

retailer in me wants to come out.

AAing for a cause, drawing attn away from the boring person that would be me.

hmmmmmmmm. i miss this feeling

and i'd rly prefer if you keep to your side of the line.

best for the both of us =/

pls stop scaring me.

cos if this is as good as it gets, you dont want more..

call me when you find you.

sigh

110311

2011-03-11T23:25:00.002+08:00

extremely depressing. watching the water capsize boats, wash cars away, flood plains and roads.

the powerlessness as the walls starting shaking, your world threatening to crumble.

mum says should be thankful for the fact japan is wellprepped for eartherquakes, no buildings toppled cos they were ready for it.

only that tsunami bobian. and the quakes were a little longer.

bless all those caught up in it.

please take care, japan.

so depressing

was having a good day..

sigh.

okaye this was meant to be for you, huimin.

unconditional.

blogging..

seems a little tedious of late.

too indulgent in fb, twitter and tumblr.

little one-liners for the hour, pictures and illustrations to replace my thousand words.

over indulgence.

specialisation.

a euphemism for forgetting everything else

current affairs, literature, sports are less and less in my life.

free time? why not study matrices and subspaces?

or get the hang of Beta distributions.

there's always himym and glee if you're too tired.

shall make a conscious effort to read the paper, or watch the news.

or todayonline. =/

the world's bigger than what you see, dear..

and you used to care too.

been going through some internal restructuring lately..

probably only my lesbo (quote sei) partner wld have the slightest idea.

don't rly like the idea of vulnerability.

or dependence.

talk to my slightly-leaning index finger.

someway, somehow, things work better.

relations work better if you let them free.

if they mean to come back, they will.

and it doesnt hurt to prepare for otherwise.

rooooar.

please take care my dear friends..

life isnt meant to be a tunnel, chasing the ever-moving light at the end..

you're actually supposed to stop and enjoy the depth of the darkness..

or maybe your eyes are just shut.

from time to time do ask yourself,

is that what you want to look back on, ten years from now?

the stories to tell your grandchildren;

what wld they be?

the more normal i seem to get,

the less i feel.

normality is arbitrary.

if people started to be weird, you'd be the anomaly.

sometimes,

i'm thankful for my (lack of) looks.

they're like a defence strategy,

a deterrence and warning to trespassers.

to deter those not of true heart.

and this, my dear hm,

is what happens if i blog.

back to the real world.

work time.

shut up brain..

090211

2011-02-09T23:48:00.001+08:00

man this sem is screwed up.

but have faith, sheryl, have faith.

different priorities!

now you have stuff other than just studies to care about.

just cause you dont have time to mug (neither the heart)

doesnt mean you're screwed.

have faith.

recess week ftw!

240111

2011-01-25T01:29:00.002+08:00

There seems to be an increasing divergence in my personas of

(Awesome) Sheryl

& well, just sheryl.

hmmmm.

Fidgeted a little last night before sleeping.

Stayed in on Saturday and Sunday. Though helped mum w some chores, still felt like abit redundant.

Just what i've been cultivating the past months.

How mum managed to function w her little daughter perpetually out of the house either working or gallivanting.

Thought wld be nice to stay in and help ard.

hmmmm.

realised i've rly been doing two different things w two different people.

my Awesome persona in school, where i try to be confident, happy, gay;

vs me.

mopey, worrying, unsettled, messed up inside.

all the running about and shopping(!) were just a ruse to make me focus on other things,

other than stuff like me forgetting music as a part of my life,

me not giving back to the community like i once promised to,

me giving up on my resolutions to do things i said i wld.

solitude only made things clearer in perspectives.

so what if i cleared 3 tutorials on saturdays.

i have no dreams, no will, no pride.

hmmmm.

maybe it's the money thing.

dreams lose the tug of war w practicality.

oh you, Taurean dear..

why do community service or pursue your dreams when you can earn money?

The more awesome i feel,

the more i am not.

awesomeness is just a smokescreen =/

ohwell. school tmr.

back to being awesome.

180111

2011-01-18T23:00:00.001+08:00

why do i feel all over the place.

spread. distracted. dismantled.

thrown off. oh bah

070111

2011-01-07T00:00:00.006+08:00

Your Scores

6	Words of Affirmation
11	Quality Time
3	Receiving Gifts
8	Acts of Service
2	Physical Touch

Now that you know your love language, here’s some more information you might not have realized about it, and why certain behaviors affect you more than others.

Your Love Language

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

source: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

personally,

how much i care is portrayed by the amount of stupidity and impracticality i undergo for you.

e.g.

Sitting outside a room w a cake for 2 hours (waste time)

Travelling across the country to see you (waste time and money)

Blocking out my schedule for you even though you may not be free

Dropping everything to come down and see you because you ask, anytime

Clubbing (i value my privacy and i hate people)

Going out of the way and running all over the place to buy a present for you

Baking personalised cookies and stuff (i buy my own lunch)

Baking in the sun and inevitably getting degreed burns

Staying awake at night to entertain you (i treasure sleep more than Anything)

Flying other people's kites just cos you asked.

Snail mail. (Yes. I love you guys enough. hahahahaha)

.. & i'll add more if i rmb.

So yes, if you recognised one or more of such deeds relevant to you,

you know i love you in my own funny way.

040110

2011-01-04T14:42:00.002+08:00

I had another of my insomniac periods again.

Thankfully i fell aslp after tossing and turning for a couple of hours.

But when i awoke at 10 it felt like I had barely slept a wink.

(But in any case i nua-ed till i fell aslp and woke up at noon, feeling a little better.)

This is what lack of activity in the day brings about for me..

And a rly bad complexion for all the late nights.

Pop pop pop.

As i was tossing and turning my mental expressway was zooming as usual.

Many things went through my head,

some of which carried on in my vivid dreams

to the extent i'm not rly sure what actually did happen in reality

and which feelings are indeed true.

But i'm sure time will tell.

And hopefully work later will iron some of my complexities out.

And probably give me more hope of better sleep later.

I resolve to bake my marble cake sometime this week!

Lalala.

Self-therapy time!

I recognise my shopaholic and spendthrift habits are mere means to fill my emotional voids.

Yes, I do.

But recognition does not mean resolution.

And to paraphrase Dexter,

you can't solve one problem to make up for another.

all i can do i guess is to try to curb my spending and channel my energies elsewhere.

like school. next week.

man ):

haiyooooooooooo.

251210

2010-12-25T21:05:00.007+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMASSSSSS(:

Last Christmas I..

created a tumblr account.

& was frictionally unemployed.

Hmmmm.

This Christmas,

I worked my butt off, skipping meals and having unexplained dizzy spells.

I spent Christmas eve watching Christmas movies w people i loveeeee (even though they didnt exactly enjoy the movies! hahaha) and eating log cake at 4am.

I survived a Christmas lunch with tens of awkward, unfamiliar faces, & an afternoon at the hospital staring and my grandma, with only 3 hours of sleep.

I wonder how next Christmas will be.

Nice tradition to start. (:

Who needs it to be a new year to look back?

Last Christmas has a nice ring to it :D

I still managed to play my fav xmas emo song though ;D

felt abit different cos i wasn't lonely on xmas eve night(:

love actually =D

and i'm still typing w red and green nails on my right hand! hahaah

contemplating whet to remove it for work tmr. hmmm

on a weirder note,

of six, down to two.

*squats down and cries*

i know i'm supposed to be more than this

(yea sure, i am indeed happy for #4 ((: )

but you can't blame me for having a sinking feeling.

oh life.

school's in soon.

dread. :O

merry christmas everyone.

221110

2010-11-22T23:23:00.001+08:00

When

you need

vomit,

vomit!

Swallowing

it down

is not going

do you any good.

-Valerictorian.com

111110

2010-11-11T23:52:00.003+08:00

hellooooo

i'm falling sick ):

probably from the rain, compounded by cold weather and strong aircon ):

& i've been using 'compounded' alot lately.

everything around you is interacting! nothing has a sole isolated cause.

heeee

this is how psychotic studying makes me(:

started studyingggg but just don't feel like doing anything tonight.

shall start on stats tmr!

had nice bro time just now.

oh wait the entire day AHAHA

went to school w bro for lect

and after math lect, studied w another 'bro'

this time not biological

HAHAHAHA

sigh

i think i'm getting a bit weirder

oh no, the correct term is 'offbeat'.

i am tempted to continue my soci journey

despite my declaration previously to not study stuff for interest

but rly! they put up a good fight

and i realise i rly do have a thing for deviance.

hmmmm

oosh.

The Pretty Reckless is my guilty pleasure(:

and i rly miss my comfort zones.

i miss my nuclear shells.

sigh

(& i realise, i rly do have many many theories.

seems i was meant for soci long ago

HAHA ;D)

ooosh.

awesomeness is a mindset.

first step to being awesome is to well, be awesome.

OOOOSH!

don't need any other to make me feel awesome.

LET'S GOOOO !(:

goodbye.

021110

2010-11-03T00:54:00.002+08:00

可不可以可不可以

可不可以不勇敢

能不能停止对愛渴望

~~~

Mugging time Day 2.

Spent loitering, visiting shop, shopping, doing brows, doing nails, doing homework.

When are you gna start..

Action-reaction

the more i'm supposed to study,

the more i repel the idea.

blaaaaah

inertia

comfort zone.

feel much happier seeing someone from comfort zone

funny how some people just know you.

or maybe it's just me

and my autistic/socially awkward tendencies.

singlehood ftw

& alcohol too.

万岁!

one day i'm rly gna get my pocket bottle of wine

HOORAH.

anything but study.

lala.

Lala Hsu. haha

惧高症 (:

往上攀登爱情~

rly nice song.

GOODBYEEEEE

191010

2010-10-19T23:34:00.005+08:00

hmmmmmm

Revertigo

brought on by being near a person or persons from your past, revertigo is when a person begins to act how they did at the time they knew said person(s).

Coined by the character Marshal Eriksen on the show "How I Met Your Mother."

Just realised after monday's hangover episode, what you think is good for you may not be, and the converse applies as well.

work keeps me rly grounded. and from turning into a cold, logical academic robot.

even if it means crumbling both physically and mentally after every subsequent school day,

it's totally worth it.

dear dear,

the disparity in priorities.

in a crowd of people of similar backgrounds yet feel any more different.

superficiality of relationships based on convenience and utility.

sigh.

"then can you please get a proper job then"

"define proper"

sigh.

for the nth time, aint the money.

FFL. sigh

maybe my life is meant to be this shaken,

disrupted,

shuttling.

who knows.

for a day or two in a month

i sincerely question why people accept and like me for me

when all i feel for myself is sheer disgust and disdain

141010

2010-10-14T00:24:00.002+08:00

Time to be a little less rational.

Yes, ratio-nal math jokes aside,

i rly mean it.

Being rational,

which is to think in terms of self-interest and benefit

is only much expected of pragmatists.

Working in mind of your own gainssssss.

To me it only seems natural.

Isn't it supposed to be the same for others?

Sometimes i rly do wonder why people make such unwise, silly decisions.

Rational vs irrational.

In my context.

(R) Taking 198 to and fro school to avoid peak hour crowd

(I) Taking 95 & train with friends amidst the peak hour crowd

(R) Studying during a break when friends have a concurrent lecture on

(I) Attending that lecture even though you do for the other slot, and at the same time forfeit study time

(R) Stay in the faculty after a lesson since your next lesson is in the same fac

(I) Running off to another faculty to find people and rush back

(R) Join a subcomm as active members & gain momentum & friends

(I) Join subcommssssss & pia for exco positions & play politics even though the risk may (or not) pay off

(R) Study and do work in line w lessons plans, i.e study adequately

(I) Chiong. Mug. Pia. Aim for CAP 5 (i.e max GPA)

i really don't understand.

or maybe.

i rly need to find a reason to make wrong decisions.

Something/one to be irrational for =/

gosh.

floattt~

290910

2010-09-29T00:04:00.003+08:00

i'm more anti-social than i thought.
i'm rly nothing w/o my buddies ):

one test down
3 more & a deadline to go
over a period of 3 weeks.
pure, uninhibited joy.

felt uber giddy during the test just now
had to stare at the words on the tee of the guy in front of me
in order to get some focus back. funny feeling

and i need to start speaking good english.
and probably, typing so will help too. gee
less of got mehs and where gots
):
sigh
i miss my vocabulary and ability to code switch
):

nomnomnom
the mental jukebox which comes along w exam conditions.
heh(:

i miss my friendssssss

BYEBYE

120910

2010-09-12T23:21:00.004+08:00

let's just try clinging on to the sand
even as it's trickling through our fingers
no harm done.
fallen leaves
written words
memories made
life's a one-way street.

turn the pages backward
get a back-running clock.
people wait to see the sunrise
while looking past the beauty of the night.

my sweet refuge.
if only.
sigh

020910

2010-09-02T19:22:00.002+08:00

HELLOOOOO

My name is Sheryl.
I am a computer.

=/
i think java programmed my brain along the way
=/
robot. never felt more logical and clear-minded
but then again, in contrast to my love-struck illogical friends,
maybe java's not the reason
:O :O :O

i am pro-monogamy
:O
but i am also pro-alternative social arrangments
:O
noticed my circle tends to get attached,
instd of dating ard.
hence the revulsion =/
monogamy ftw

school's intensive
and my attn span is getting shorter every day =/
been a rly slack week, playing alot
the og birthday thing has also taken up alot of braincellssss
fri's 3047
sat's it fair + chalet
sun is mugging day
& the week starts again
omgg

i swear i'll start my tut after this
omg omg
2 weeks to holiday! HAH
but 2 weeks to deadlines too
omg
-.-

nommmmmmm
i hate buying jewellery
when i turn 21, DO NOT buy me silver
me = man buying jewellery = hopeless
nommmm
lesbbbbbb hmmmm
BYEBYE

260810

2010-08-26T22:40:00.003+08:00

HELLOOOOOOOOO :D

realised my prev post was v emo and angsty
guess perspectives are a little bit different after a couple of days

i'd still rather do anything but study though :P
increasingly short (haha oxymoron) attn span in classes. watching the clocks =O
and tday, when i reached home it suddenly dawned on me:
WHERE DID MY WEEK GO?!
last recollection was lindy's party on sat. ha
it's gna be friday tmr & i'm meeting hm
(was thinking abt study arrangements for the weekend
& that led me to realise i won't be able to see Thomas until mon ): )
then no plans for the weekend. oh it was sad

old mantra: Do anything but study. KEEP
new secondary mantra: Study unless there is an alternative presented :D
HEH

i shall turn my square clique gay
yes i shall
(Y)

240810

2010-08-24T19:02:00.002+08:00

loser
mugging, bingeing, sluggish, spendthrift, judgmental & obese loser

helloooooo

):
think i look damn cui.
the cui-est i've been in quite a while

honestly,
i feel like crap
never has life been so centred ard studies
and it is disgusting.
half a mind to just turn the opposite direction and give it all up.
and because of this crap
i have been eating/sleeping/spending/nuaing more than before
and it is absolutely pathetic.
):

when i look at my reflection
i see a loser
incapable of juggling multiple commitments
just because of fear

bah

140810

2010-08-14T23:47:00.004+08:00

oh em geeee
i can't go back for teachers' day w/o ponning class ):
):
):
):

i know it's kinda premature, but i kinda hate school.
):

i need to find someone in nus who can take my rubbish,
my nonsense on a hourly daily basis
and actually entertain me.
someone i can ask stupid qns like "do you think i look lesb"
or "if i told you i smoke, wld you believe me"
& not forgetting my random bouts of cheering
):
gosh i think my clique spoiled me
):
why was it so easy in jj
i dont even rmb how we got tgt
arghhhh

& by nus i mean w/o having to text or take a shuttle to biz
within my usual circleeeeee. ):
might be motivated to study but srsly, sucks.
been having dreaming sleep every night and even naps
arghhhh
last week of lepak before i start on tuts
or rather, last few days before i start doing homework.
i am so not enjoying this
and it's only week 2
):

last day of work (For now)
tmrrrrrr
red black and white.
))))):

roar.

100810

2010-08-11T00:03:00.004+08:00

HELLO :D

after day 1 of skool, i am tired.
despite only attending a lect from 8-10am, i am exhausted.
feels kinda back to jc days, just that i can't rly rmb how life was like pre-mugging.
or maybe in view of my hardcore mugg & competitive cohort i should totally use that in my adv :O
the ah tiongs & locals alike scare me.
i'm not a mugger ):

that said, i just revised my calculus chap zero -.-
functions -.-
morning lect, then 4 hours rotting in canteen
before i decided not to crash ST1131
(was supposed to cover N but V didnt want to risk me missing bidding thanks to work again. aha)
met bimbo & went for a walk & met tie at clem
:O
bimboed ard then chionged home to bid.
got both! hahaha now all my mods are fine(:

realised the benefits of owning a lappie ):
assignments, research, entertainment, bidding and all
geeeeee. but still excess capacity lying ard the house. sigh

funny things you realise from casual conversations
difference in cultures
and things you took for granted.
am i an arts person or sciencey person.
i don't rly know either. hmmmm
but for one thing, i love math.
never get tired of numberssssss HEH(:

mug mug mug
):
mug like HMMM
:D
HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
faints
tmr's only programming! tsk 4-6pm
shall try to find the co-op
and printing facilities. but again, futile since i have no lappie.
grah.
netbook =/
EXCESS CAPACITY):

meet egoh tmr
hm on friday
i wll die on thurs. 8am to 6pm. oh geeeee
GOODBYE

010810

2010-08-02T01:03:00.002+08:00

GRIFFINS ROARRRRRR
AWWRRRRK ;D

(:
back from camp
& a rly hungover day of work
muscle aches, a cold and no voice
(Y)
but worth it i guess
esp giving my first (& second) piggyback everrr
:O

camp was fun.
but different. i guess
culture shock =/
makes jj ogl/oc feel like commando training
just different styles i guess
(:
met buncha great people
engaged in rly awkward SP activities
(but met some rly nice people, like nicholas :D)
ate alot of cai-peng
cheered alot
and got kinda sunburnt.
HAHA
(:

and honestly,
fuck you cors bidding
):
got outbidded for 2 of 3 CORE modules thanks to work
argh
have to fight for my stats mod tmr in round 2A
):
sucks
sigh

tmr's official ceremony - work.
tuesday flag day - work (but trying to take off)
wed - work
thursday -stayover
fri- rag + work
sat- family gathering

yes i wont sacrifice my social life for work (Exhibit A, tuesday)
but finding it increasingly tedious to juggle both commitments
and not to mention their totally different mindsets.
CLT Sheryl & Sheryl the undergrad
(and not to mention alvin 的妹妹 but that's another matter altgt thanks to my dear bro who decided to declare our relation)
sigh.
let's just see how things go.

MUSCLE GEEEEEEEK :D
on the other side of the island.
thanks ar
see no touch, sheryllllll
see no touch

"Sheryl our family is so poor"

GRIFFIN GRIFFIN WE SAY WE SAY
SAYONARA
SAYONARA
SAYONARA
:D

250710

2010-07-25T00:32:00.004+08:00

tired

zzzzzzz
i hate you cors
i rly hope bidding comes faster.
):

Agenda for the next week
Sunday - Work
(decided to cover G. even though it's funny cos V & i alr sorta said our goodbyes and i end up seeing her tmr ((i hope)) like talk abt irony)

Monday - Registration @ 2pm.
Pls bring your offer letter (i cant tell which is it. so many) and NRIC. & maybe go buy my straightener after that.

Tuesday - Hopefully meet sei & wj for Sorcerer's Apprentice.
woohoo. & maybe come home early to pack.

Wednesday & Thursday - SOW!
though it's kinda supposed to be like. until Sat. ohwell. wish me luck. plus Thurs' is bidding. i want my dream schedule tqvm ):

Friday & Saturday - Work

yahooooo
i rly don't know what to expect of the next seven days..
that's the spirit!
rawr.
tired.
i love HIMYM.
"Hey God, it's me. What up"
(:
& i kinda. still hate cute couples.
rawr
tick tock. ):
&&&&& butch-gay r/s... that i wna see
heh :D
byebye

180710

2010-07-18T01:13:00.002+08:00

woosh
people came over for mahjong :D
funnnnnn (:
HAPPPY

on another note,
CORS is no joke.
just gave myself online briefing on CORs
since i'm not going for tea or SOW
and NO JOKE SIA.
many rounds, many terms, many modules
and just managed to plan a rough schedule.
Felt happy for a moment or two that Weds & Thurs are clear,
only to realise haven't factored in tutorials and other modules i may have to take.
In other words,
i'm probably better off quitting.
):

):

):
sigh.
it's the words left unsaid
):

):
i'm working tmr.
hmmmm maybe seeing G will make things better.
Use my brain less (:
Whoopdidoo

Too many imagined conversations with you
to the extent I realise I already have nothing else to say face to face
goshhhhhhh
):
Whoopsies.
Less brain power plsssss
):
BYE

Lost till you're found.
):

120710

2010-07-12T23:44:00.005+08:00

sloth greed envy gluttony lust wrath pride

save for wrath,
i'm pretty much guilty of the rest.

):

i need to learn to walk away from things.
Walk away from temptation,
Walk away from what i do not justly deserve,
Walk away from things i know which won't last.
Walk away from frivolity,
Walk away from obsession,
Walk away from indulgence.

More importantly, i need to walk away from what i shouldn't care about but do,
and away from what i clearly know isn't worth the effort.

8days says it's time to bid farewell to a certain emotional attachment.
timely advice or merely power of suggestion?
=/

i chose to keep on walking tonight.
and maybe i should too in a couple of weeks.
):

on a brighter note,
i bot jeans!
and a tank top.
and i've spent 140 this month.
Thanks sei :O HAHAHA
i think i have a problem..
):
frequency of spending is increasing!
):
i think the headache's getting to me. (routine of an offday)
i did enjoy myself tday w our marathon :D
TOY STORY ROCKS!
predator, not so much..
yay. love the unemployed duo :D
(:

work tmr.
i feel kinda, refreshed.
goodbye! (:

maybe if you ask

080710

2010-07-09T00:16:00.003+08:00

will you catch me if i fall?

apparently, even if i do fall,
i'll have to catch myself.
the funny feeling of vulnerability when you realise you are stronger than everyone else.
irony.
i would laugh, but i would probably start tearing.

too late.

sometimes i wish i wasn't this tall
this big
or well, this.
cldnt i have been just another scrawny, normal little person
who needed people more than people needed her

if one day i go mia
would you realise?

multitude of events
mutltitude of emotions
rollercoaster ride.
thank you to those who gave a listening ear and time
(yes, fi!)
but ultimately, the root of the problem hasn't been resolved.
and it never will be.
all that's left is for me to once again
cushion my own fall.
like i always have.
but just once,
just this one wilful time,
can i be the one to have arms crossed,
eyes closed, and freefall backwards,
knowing someone will be there below to get me no matter what?
sigh.

but don't worry loves
i gotcha back always(:

too strong for too long.
period.
i'm still tearing.
hope this will end by tmr morning.
sigh.

060710

2010-07-07T00:17:00.004+08:00

seiyu is a bimbo :D
a bimbo who can do cashier! hahaha
except for (ironically) swiping cards
:O :O :O
HAHAHAHA

had sorta a bad day which turned out right(:
was alone in the shop the entire day
imagine my to do list
(actually it exists. it's still on the counter :O)
go bank change coins & bank in
buy printer ink
train FDV person (2pm)
bimbo (5pm)
and because i was alone till 5, the till has little coins!
and the printer is still down!
tmr tmr!
managed to give the FDV person (Eunice! (:) a crash course
w/o me hyper-ventilating
then bimbo came at 5
and
amazingly, we hit sales
(:
THANK YOU BIMBO :D
OH AND THANK YOU EGOH TOOOOO (:
though i doubt such a happy night will happen anytime soon again
love mac suppers
((((:

V rly likes to use euphemisms.
or maybe it's denial.
ohwell
8)

& suddenly, i feel like we're playing good cop/bad cop
or maybe it's only an ideal to have such a clear line
only an ideal to not ever have to get your hands dirty
or dabble in this crap.
):
toe the line.

hope tmr's fine.
ohwell

020710

2010-07-02T14:42:00.002+08:00

tick tock

my right eye's swollen
thanks to a love bite under my brow
but it's kinda going down
itchyyyy
got quite a few all over
:O

deciding between vivo & orchard
it's pouring. orchard's not sucha good idea hor
:D
going to get my bag i swearrrr
(:

hmmm
registered for SOW
let's see how that goes

dum di dum
(:

280610

2010-06-28T23:00:00.004+08:00

HELLO
since hm commented that my post(s) have been a little too retrospective,
here's a bimbotic one :D

SO NOSTALGIC :D
heard it in Valu$ & immediately rmbed the mv.
AND I CAN TOTALLY SING TO IT :D

i'm bored.
i love work
and i cant find clothes to wear. new rule: only black
so i only have like 10/40 shirts to choose from
maybe i shld go buy more black tees
and i cant wait for pay to come
my bag my bag my bag my bag my bag
they sell the maroon one in jp now! (((:
& laptop. hmmmmmmm

tmr: cut hair (!) & work (must. hit. targetttt)
wed & thurs: work
fri: lepak day :D
holy shit. what am i doing on sat
sun HAJIIIII :D

after today,
i realised, i wldnt go for a guy who wld actually chat up a girl in public
._.
opens up worlds man
& hell, i will throttle the next person who asks me for bgr advice
(:
ladidum

"life w/o you will be like a broken pencil- pointless."
saw on fb :D
i think i forgot my old lame pickup lines.
can someone please refresh my mind
thankies

GOODBYE

220610

2010-06-22T23:54:00.005+08:00

If I saw you a little less
If I spoke to you a little less
If I was worth to you a little less
If I meant to you a little less
Would you love me a little less?

Whoopdidoo
Jump through hoops for yooo
Met shan & fi (& benjy) for bakerzin!
Warm choc cake is LOVE
Btw hm, my 1-for-1 &/or 20% off is waiting for you still(:

That's that.
I'm free on thursday & fri, again
I have no idea what to do
The sheer realisation that I was using the premise of work to hide the fact my social life is, well, crawling.
My, my

My voids.
Inadequacies.
(I've not left the country this year, despite numerous ~~failed~~ plans to.
Taiwan/HK, Msia, Genting.
But theme parks not my thing.
Ohwell.
Let's save up for a beach getaway or a cruise k (:
CRUISE. HAHAHAA
but anw, seeing people running off to other countries..
just makes me sad.
aww)

You know,
I've always dreamt of night times at beaches w girlfriends, emoing
Recently, these hopes have adjusted (with the times)
to be instead situated at grasslands.
Like Barrage.
Grass, beer, stars, buddies.
Hope lah.
Hope it comes soon.

My mama passed the workaholic gene down.
I really want to work.
Gee.
Byebye

200610

2010-06-21T00:13:00.003+08:00

my best friend is still me.
& i should totally rename this site as my monologue/soliloquy/dear diary
):

suddenly had a random thought.
that i had actually missed quite some stuff that i had planned
in my *Post As* activities from some time back.
maybe it's just me, or just the way life works.

i'm missing SCAMP becuase i signed up too late & no more places left
(on a more sour note, i wasn't informed until i msged the ic today -.-)
which means i probably won't enter school with faces i alr know.

plus, i'm working 5 days the last week of july,
which happens to be NUS Sci orientation week.
of sort.
i'm praying hard it's nth concrete, or else i will have to take off.
but V's having study break that week & G & fi have school. how sia
aiya. 船到桥头自然直
or in tie's words, See how. =/

sis was prodding me to join other camps
but realised don't feel like going for juxtapose & stuff.
join random camps? w your own gang sure.
but i'm in this alone, i recently realised.
it's not so easy to just happily run around when you're alone,
ironic as it sounds.
):
start afresh.
anw i'm no longer the same person.
philosophically i might use Murakami's talk abt continual renewal of your cells
so you're not (biologically) the same person you are five minutes ago.
BUT since i swore to become a little less eccentric
i simply mean i don't see myself repeating my habits in jc.
looking at my SGC i feel like i'm reading someone else's instd
no volunteering, no saigang, no social networking
even wondering whet i shd get a CCA
(or as i told V, CLT can be my cca :O)

all because of this tiny little shop
& some (life-changing) people i've met as a result
i may have to miss out on some stuff as a prospective undergrad
& i have utterly no idea if it might affect me in other (academically significant :O) ways in future
but sure as hell i don't regret my past two months.

hmmmmm
silver lining
no camp = no anxiety attack at every reminder of its impending nature
no new social circle (yet) = no distractions from current commitment

perspectivessss
hmmmm
need to chill on this monologue thing sia
byebye

180610

2010-06-18T23:54:00.003+08:00

Who will bring me flowers when it's over
And who will give me comfort when it's cold
And who will I belong to when the day just won't give in
And who will tell me how it ends and how it all begins

*
getting the vibe
whereby everything seems to be settling in place
& thus, shall be overturned.
bad, bad vibe.

Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

transciency is well, a permanent fixture in life
corny (& ironic) as it sounds.
sigh
monday's coming, sheryl..
take it w a lighter heart!
the shop'll be there for your solace no matter whatttt
runaway(:
(i can totally write an entire entry based on Thriving Ivory :O)
(& i just did.)

More than a soul in a boat in a sea of sinking dreams

goodbye

160610

2010-06-16T14:12:00.005+08:00

*EDIT*
UH FUCKING EMO
):
and i use the term fucking quite. severely
):
just submitted forms for SCAMP reg.
on the reg form there's a field for you to fill in friends you want to be grouped with.
like, eff it.
the only person i know going to NUS even is sei
nus science? kiss my arse
even my bro's not going thanks to work
trying out day 1 & 2, but i'll probably have to pay the full $55
can't believe i'm going in this alone.
yes sheryl ng you can do this
you did this two years back you can do it again
/pep talk
& i'm looking at Juxtapose 2010
another volunteerism camp. aside from CSC
this one sounds... lighter. but i still don't know
maybe all i lack is that push
cos nobody's actually dragging me to any camps.
oh god
what am i getting myself into

**
it's june!
it's not rly my usual thing, but six months to christmas :D
((((:
kinda have a figure of how i'm gna spend my xmas break alr.
can't wait
(:

*
want to donate blood tday!
but suddenly rush of uncertainty when realised i was going in it alone
and no one was rly free
so dating hs to go before picnic next week
hopefully we can.
& tsk that means picnic shall be a late afternoon affair
*note to fi & shu :D
hopefully we'll be able to hang in there
love you hs! dont ps k :D

so now. i have couple of hours to spare before meeting hm & xy
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO
& i feel awful from not running this morning
dark clouds + fatigue = nap until 10+
did 3 sets of situps using my computer chair's legs :O
but i still feel mega fat
the shop made me put on 1 kilo.
or more of, my mum feeding me when i come home
):

NUS SCI HASNT REPLIED ME
HOW I KNOW WHET I'M GOING ON MON
):
I DONT WANT TO HAPPILY TAKE OFFDAYS THEN REALISE NO CAMP
):
i hate unoccupied offdays
i've alr watched 3 eps of DDD & glee.
):
mega sloth
*bloob

& i find myself staring out the door much
& wondering what his name will be
yes sheryl, you're losing it

"& you the one to blame"
GOODBYE

130610

2010-06-13T23:21:00.005+08:00

/edit
this feeling of inadequacy is hard to shake.
i don't need to explain my life to anyone
except myself.
but some days (like today)
i'm speechless.
seeing other people's parties just tend to suck the contentment outta me.
argh.

*
MY FACE IS SAGGING.
URGHHHHHH
i look like a prune when i smile.
it's a whole new level of ugleh. ):
well, you've scaled new heights once again
):

bought a dress!
but tanline & werewolf back makes it difficult to pull off =/
ohwell. i rly like the rest of the dress. (:
i don't know what to wear tmr..

was wondering lately abt maturity.
or in a sense, what actually is maturity.
biologically/physically yeah i know
but other than that, emotionally? psychologically?
is it a natural progression or proactively initiated
sigh

is maturity..
..dressing to suit your numerical age
..showing concern & considering multiple perspectives on issues which may or may not involve you (i.e. realising the world is bigger than just you)
..showing caution in decisions, considering possible consequences & repercussions, be it physically or emotionally (or financially!)
..being able to pick yourself up after a fall without fuss or needing to point fingers
..withdrawing from frivolous (flibbertigibbetish!) behaviour (such as crossing the yellow line! haha)
..or simply accepting that as a person it is impossible & especially unneccessary to set such a clear distinction in mindset..

my face is sagging.
& i still dress like a nincompoop.
ohwell.
work tmr.
let's see how that goes.
trala

& sometimes.
yes. (to fi)
i am neurotic
& yes (to my sis)
i am a control freak
& yeah (to hm)
when i don't get i want,
i don't rly want to care.
i'd rather have free tickets as a bystander
or in another context
even if i die on the road, i want it to be someone else's fault.
yes.
i am human.
but i am even more a mediocre person.
BYES

100610

2010-06-10T23:41:00.003+08:00

blahhhh my connection sucks
facebook takes forever to loaddd

i'm blasting my hifi
LOVESICK ELECTRIC! (X4)
which kinda means.. i'm trying to drown out some thoughts
been through quite emo & rather reflective today
or maybe.. yeah
i need to get some issues sorted out
yes, again!
(:

to paraphrase a saying pasted in the shop,
he who expects nothing gets no disappointment.
maybe i've just started to take all this for granted
& need to rmb this won't last.
ytd's msg was a wake up call i guess.
rly needed someone to talk to abt it,
but that fell through.
ohwell.
your lesson at this shop is to take things less seriously!
so stop treating everything like some end of the world
let the next day come as it will
(:
that said,
i do miss smoking...
(go figure. HAHA)

HA.
still thinking abt my backpack.
purple Everlast? Jansport?
hmmmm
tmr's w G
then sat is FI & I'S SECRET GATHERING
and sun's SHOPPINGGGG(:
rly wonder what to do on monday though.
want to donate blood but bloodbank's not open on mon.
hmmmmm

Never have I ever felt like this before
I've never been the one to knock but now I'm at your door
Well listen very closely you can hear the sound
Of a love that makes my heart beat and my head spin round~

trala.
byebye(:

080610

2010-06-08T23:26:00.006+08:00

no amount of coffee
no amount of crying
no amount of whiskey
and no amount of wine.
):

sometimes i rly wish
whacking someone/screaming fuck at the top of my lungs/crying/throwing a tantrum
wld actually help a rly bad mood.
ah well. it doesn't.

rly shag today.
woke up suddenly ard 5ish. cldnt get back to sleep
coincidentally, someone msged
& i regret to say, i've not rly succeeded in the task.
):
i'm a lousy friend.
):
5+ till alarm was a blackout..
then 24/32 shelves dusted from 11am - 2pm
blew my nose & you can see the dirt.
wipe my face, also see the dust on the tissue
v tired + some fuss in b/w
fresh air, helped though
(:

ROARRRRR (for fun)

maybe if you look hard enough,
you can see through me
for my insecurities
for my fears
for my hypocrisies
just as i do for you.
've asked someone this before,
what happens if your intentions aren't saintly
but your actions are bound by habit and duty to be otherwise..
instinctively doing the right thing even though you don't mean to.
is this.. hypocrisy?

emotional support.
i see the light in GGRs now..
& i need to stop glaring (& i mean scowling)
at packs of (obviously) army guys ard the shop..
):
and i ~~hate~~ detest couples.
):

weariness.
):
job's still love.
but my body can't keep up
sigh
GOODBYE

'cos it's easier than telling the truth..

050610

2010-06-06T00:43:00.003+08:00

SHERYL NG
YOU ARE SUCH AN EPIC FAIL
TEARING AT THE SIGHT OF ALOY'S STEPDOWN PICS
& SUBSEQUENTLY RAIDING YOUR PHOTO ARCHIVES
TO RECALL THE OLD TIMES
WHICH ONLY MAKES YOU WANT TO CRY EVEN MORE
YOU SUCK
)))):
& you suck even more for missing aloy's stepdown
*bawls

030610

2010-06-04T00:01:00.003+08:00

Seriously,
you need to stop it w the 巴士站的男孩 pls.

EPIC FAIL LA YOU. zzz

(a bad day often follows a good.
hopefully the reverse works as well
off tmr. hello cookies!
lalala)

*
bad day being
a missing blackbird
a spilt tester (not me)
ennui
a stolen sample
& a serious mindboggling floor plan
tmr will be a better day!
love.

Have you met someone special this year?
I have.
(:
(nah, not what you think.
but rly. the quintessence of Unique.
Ladidum)
GOODNIGHT

020610

2010-06-02T23:43:00.004+08:00

HELLO MONEYYYYYYYYY
NICE TO SEE YOU
$$$$$$$$$$$$$

first real paycheck since work started
HAPPY
but in the first place, not rly there for $
(it's a bonus i guess)

even after a month plus
i am still
OVERWHELMED
(:
LOVESSSSSS
there's just smth abt the people there...
aww shucks
i don't know
i guess like N put it
just "click"
=)

to the extent
i feel kinda funny infront of my old buddies
different sides/modes i guess
but anw appreciate you guys coming down
(:
and seiyu for scaring the hell out of me (& V)
=)
LALAALALALALALALA

learning to be comfortable
with being alone w just one other
(:
LALALALA
open shop tmr
w G
i think my blood'll boil tmr
HAHA
LALALA
GOODBYE

溺爱

310510

2010-05-31T23:15:00.007+08:00

in the spirit of GSS, i kinda came up with a list of stuff i needa get.
but owing to my incessantly reflective tendencies,
i made a few adjustments to the list. or rather, lists.
=P

Needs
Backpack (Budget $60)
Leather Belt
A Sense of Security
Friends Who Back Me Up
A Supportive Family

Wants
A new ring
A dress! Tube or thick strap
Ballet flats
Girly slipper, preferably foam
More tops :DDD
THAT $120 CHICK HOODIE FROM LCH OR SMTH
More Time with the People Who Matter
Attention
To Lose Weight
A Relationship

*do note the clear distinction b/w the two
and how the latter is (sadly) separate from the former.
geeee

-
as long as the party is of masculine nature,
why not.
bah lipstick lesbs ):

hopefully getting the piercing tmr
(:
no idea what parents will say..
ohwell
sigh
grow up, dear..

260510

2010-05-26T19:37:00.008+08:00

I LOVE MY FRIENDS (:
they remind me of who i am(:

E reminds me to be completely honest with myself in introspect
S & T remind me the best things in life are simple pleasures spent with great company
Y, G & N remind me life ought to be taken a little less seriously
H & S remind me love can indeed be unconditional and withstand the test of time
H reminds me I should pursue my dreams and goals fervently when there is a reason to
X reminds me to stay grounded as a person
T reminds me that it is alright to be different simply because it is you.

actually i started out w the last line
and realised the others
loves
another offday well spent
(:

the apathy ends...
here.
(:

250510

2010-05-25T23:06:00.003+08:00

as usual,
a tendency to churn out one-liners when i'm emo/bonkers
which is
when i am too bored and alone
e.g. open shop

"Your lies but reveal a truth about you"

How do you discern the (white) lies from the truth you've simply overlooked?
How do you tell if someone is favouring you, or simply giving you what you rightly should deserve?
How do you determine if things are going awry because of you, or they are merely your insecurities playing up?

Difficulty reading people
or maybe i'm just the one too complex
ohwell

scamp probably
csc. maybe not i guess
let's see what toh has to say tmr
&
tmr i am going to attempt to make bread pudding.
again.
oh well

Dancing is my remedy remedy remedy
i think my mental audio for this song is a
GONER
guess whoooo
HAHA

oh well
BYE
Stop trying to count your steps.

240510

2010-05-24T23:22:00.003+08:00

[edit]
frigginnnnnn
):
NUS SCIENCE CAMP 21-25 JUN
NUS CSC CAMP 29JUN-1JUL
work's fine abt me disappear 5D4N
but i'm not
not exactly orientation-ready. and socially either
but worse.
i can't rmb why i wanted to join csc
):
can't recall the conviction. & it feels horrible
fuck it.
i rly don't know what to do.
-

牵挂
think i'm pms-ing
or it's the sunburn
):
suddenly rmbed this person
and Vanilla Twilight.
ouch ):

BUT
happy stuff today!
(:
talked abt some stuff!
forward looking stuff.
but nothing's rly set.
i'm rly glad this happened to me though
lovely boss & colleagues
(esp. the former. HAHA)
:D

my inner demonssss
still rage unrestrained
it's just a matter of whet i let you see them
):
probably only egoh gets a glimpse
and i mean GLIMPSE. ):
aw shucks

i effing hate Emotional Attachments
& i rly need to get some issues and emotions sorta out
before this spirals into another shitload of crap
BAH
):

take the road less travelled
dum di dum
矜持
BYES

190510

2010-05-19T23:16:00.004+08:00

[edit]
and finally today
i realised i miss the guys again.
maybe one day they'll appear at the shop.
*hopes(:

-
I pride on being a listening ear
for people who just want to say smth,
just to get it off their chest,
never mind the response..
And i really do enjoy listening.
(:

it's rly interesting to see
how dependent people can get
on company,
albeit not your usual.
Oh gee.

Dear self,
one month (plus) is ending.
stop staring at the calendar.
stop wondering what happens after july
and start enjoying your next two months.
they're all you've got.
don't even think of 'what ifs'
priorities..

"eh i teach you to ____"
-silence-
"HAHAHAHAHA YOU DNO WHAT TO SAY RIGHT"
classic.

felt uber crap this morning
after tossing and turning for 8 hours
and having vivid surreal dreams
I DREAMT OF NICK TAN.
BUT I CALLED HIM JONATHAN. -.-
yup, that's how screwed up i am.
rly do hope i can sleep better tonight.
and i don't know when i can run next.. ):
2km and 11 hour shifts just don't go..

home's the hardest place to hit.
~~and often, also the last place i want to go back to~~
refuge

-
& that's what's keeping you up at night..
man.

BYES

170510

2010-05-17T23:37:00.002+08:00

funny dreams again!
awfully disjointed ones.
the only parts i can rmb are involving the purchase of Fuji Super Film - ISO 200 and 400
and a nice fluffy bunny. Separately -.-
there's rly too much going on inside my head
(like Chuck! or not..)
and realise i rly do daydream alot, not unlike my night dreaming patterns
awfully disjointed. yet painfully surreal
=/

seeeee i shdn't stay home on my offdays
too free
and too bloody bored. and i have a headache
(as i always do when i am too free)
hope i can sleep later

and i feel extremely. FAT
calculated my BMI last night
even though my weight hasnt changed for the past... year.
I AM FRIGGIN OBESE
(okay, figuratively only la)
told my mum. who has quite an opinion on the revision to Asian BMI
(i.e. it's bullshit)
need to lose. at least 5 kilos in the short term
but even w my new running routine since graduation, my weight hasn't moved one bit.
HOW
(*actually considering being anorexic. BAH)
(**eliminates thought immediately. love food too much)
rawr. maybe i'll start running every morning
even if it means dying at work
gosh.
*stares at paunch*
sigh.

i think i have issues
w distinguishing b/w a friend and a superior
've always had this problem w teachers
and more recently, bosses
perhaps too used to the clear line drawn, and not to a fruperior
(sounds... fruity :D)
(don't tell me i shd go back to the corporate world
let me enjoy my refuge for now before i end up in the mundane corporate world for the rest of my life
damn you, divergence b/w skill set and interests)

and i think paranoia is one of my key character traits :D
to relinquish that fear of phone calls.. i changed my ringtone.
or maybe i shd give that number a special ringtone. so i can panic when i hear it.
nah.
HAHAH

verbal diarrhoea
see
i shdnt stay home on my offdays
GOODBYE

150510

2010-05-16T00:05:00.005+08:00

had a funny dream last night!
involving two simultaneous part-time jobs
and involving a $21 deficit.
OMG.
THE HORRORS
now you know that if i were to get my first ever strand of white hair
it wld go to CLT's finances
-.-

spent the day with my mum
long time since actually like went out to high tea & shop w her
(:

I AM GOING TO CUT MY HAIR SOON I SWEAR
OKAY. TRIM LA. DON'T WASTE MY HAIR DYE(:

i'm kinda conservative in my own values
but i find moral choices more a subjective issue and a personal one
(given the harm principle lah)
but this for me.. perplexing ):

&&&
i will bide my time
hopefully(:
hope

BYE

120510

2010-05-12T19:41:00.003+08:00

OFFDAY!
:D
got up early to run
then went to meet hm at taka
(who knew taka had two fountains :O)
shopped a wee bit
then seiyu came
and we shopped a wee bit more.
and i mean wee ):

atmosphere today was abit weirdddd
cos hm got her top alr
and seiyu is happily her shopaholic self
and i got a phone call that srsly screwed me & my mood up
so decided to leave town at 3+
like. HORRORSSS :O
sorry seiyu! lol

did a little window shopping at jp for my tunic
(to no avail)
then went to check stuff at the shop
i rly have. serious demons =/
you are your own worst enemy!
so stuff was fine (i think. maybe i'll die tmr :O)
then went starbucks w Murakami :D
then did a little more window shop. then came home

familiarity breeds contempt.
or rather, disdain.
so far, only one single person has been able to flick my Buddha switch off
):
and i do retail. gosh
but blood's thicker than water. ohwell

i want to buy a dress!
):
i love my shopping/tgif buddies (:
and i rly do love my colleagues.
Interesting people :D
(though i do get panic attacks whenever someone's phone call comes =/)
(& i rly am v thankful for the v obvious 放水)
LOVESSSSS
(:

060510

2010-05-07T00:11:00.004+08:00

hmmm hungry
):

i'm halting my philo reading till um, whenever
realised it was kinda. clouding my vision
messing w my priorities and responsibilities
e.g. contemplating life while disregarding the everyday struggles
hmmmmm
too much for me i guess
come back to reality!
you actually get to interact w normal people on a daily basis
(Y)
and your colleagues are rly interesting people
:O
in short,
stop being a buddha and be a stupid nineteen yearold.
(:
&&& probably the first time in like ever,
i actually feel like fitting in. instd of protruding in my own right
gee.

i think my hours are considered fulltime bah
it's my seventh straight day of work alr
and i think two weeks have passed alr :O
tmr open shop
omgomg :O

i think i am glowing
:D
best time ever.
:D
love everyone!
:D

020510

2010-05-02T23:42:00.003+08:00

NOTICE

Somewhere In The Heart
Chest Cavity
Sheryl

The abovementioned premises has recently been vacated by the last tenant.

Prospective tenants please contact Sheryl at 9_______.

------------------------

ladidumdumdum
i love work.
(:
5 straight days! off on wed
probably another solitary journey to town on wed
wheelock, then maybe sip a frappe somewhere w Murakami :D

I GOT MONEYYYYY
eighty bucks for like 2+ days of work
gna stash it somewhere
but so tempted to spend it on that esprit blouse
and another pair of Vans. rawrrr
or maybe i shd go mitju and looksee. geee
:D

and
yes
this rly is empowering
besides the fact i can't be bothered to dress properly even more
tee and jeans ftw :D
i hate boys. boys are dumb
(yes, this is very much in mind of my so-called maturity i'm supposed to be cultivating as i grow older)
but that doesn't mean i like girls either.
(nudge nudge to egoh and jud though you guys prolly won't see this :D)

ohwell
i miss my parents.
hope they get back soon and well
and i love work!
and i do still love boys.
GOODBYE

290410

2010-04-29T23:30:00.005+08:00

happy birthday to me! :D
realised,
this is rather the coming-of-age one
since last year was pretty screwed up thanks to school :P
plus, i have time to do things i want to,
like getting my tattoo,
and watching two movies in a week
(smth i've not done since.. lower sec -.-)
and dining w besties :D

Thanks to my family for nice dinner on Tues,
Sis for the photos and Bro for the drink :D
Thanks to 3047 for the novels and wonderful dinner & cake
(and fi, we forgot to tip Gene! lol)
Thanks to hm for watching Monga w me even though we were like 1 of 5 people in the cinema =D (& the extra :D)
Thanks to nettetang & xy for the nail polish ( & a Secret Letter xD)
& probably Thanks to the TGIF clique tmr, whether or not we end up at Timbre =D
AND
Thanks to every single person who remembered :D
-LOVES

a year older
biologically.
and no way else.
AHA
GOODBYE.

280410

2010-04-28T18:53:00.002+08:00

折一架音符紙飛機~

helloooo
went to get my threading and henna done just now
thanks to the invention called slippers,
the toes are destroyed
but the ankles look fine.
the right one abit faint though.
nice attempt nevertheless. might get one next time again(:

and i really kinda miss work.
geeeeee

let's see how tmr goes
and the day after
and the day.
gee i rly hope sleepover actually happens =/

and yeah. i kinda rly miss work. manz ):

空窗期
:O
GOODBYE

250410

2010-04-26T00:31:00.002+08:00

NUS RANG :D
okay lah it was online acceptance. means letter on the way
did my last min research, nus it shall be
but registration for major comes in july =/

tmr's a Big Day
The Final Interview
but feels like All Or Nothing
and i can't rly do a thing since have utterly no idea what's gna happen
just have to do my revision tmr morning before it
gee.
No Regrets.
(:

and i think.
i kinda love my job
=P
a little too much?
HAHAHAHAHAHA
birthday week no work
(yea, sure)
but somehow it happened that way
still waiting for surprises!
not exactly what you think, but rather for phone calls.
SURPRISE ME. (:
(and i don't mean working on my birthday xD)
HOORAH
浪花兄弟 is love
and i still love SIXTEEN(:
AND JJCSB((((:
GOODBYE(:

230410

2010-04-24T00:36:00.002+08:00

Isn't it ironic how i don't dress my age with my noobish tee and jeans
but i still get the 'oh, i thought you were twentyplus' thing alot.

Gee.

200410

2010-04-20T23:44:00.004+08:00

it's a bright beautiful day
for self-doubt.
=/

the feeling of suddenly coming into the moment
realising what deep shit your foot just landed in
):
(the worst part is realising even if you pull it out
you'll still be feeling and smelling like roses but that's beside the point)
what ever happened to my mass comm dreams
and how the hell i came to the conclusion of a stats major
and how in _____'s name i managed to link stats to co-ops.
yessir, i have no idea too.
oh well. too late for regrets.
-shrugs-

APB/Tiger's hiring again!
lol if not for CLT i wld probably have taken it
(despite mum's pleas)
(& in any case it wldn't be the same :O)
once again,
refer to previous foot analogy.
5 more days to employment...

and in the name of regrets,
i see so much clearer now
that you're not worth my while.
and words.
):

goodbye.
i stink of decomposition
rotted. ):

180410

2010-04-18T23:37:00.004+08:00

hello loves!
(:
(whoever you are -.-)

loves!
went to mayday concert ytd
(took the circle line :O)
cheap tix, spent half the time trying to tell 怪兽 from 石头
BUT
company, and atmosphere was great
(save for the person infront of me who almost poked my eye umpteen times w her luminous stick =/)
and i wld have loved more old songs
but yeah, life goes on
the fireworks were awesome
never wanted to cry at a fireworks display before (even at ndp)
but this was it.
and i still have this like humungous crush on 石头 :D
immensely talented (& v manly :D) guitarist.
still rmb five years back at the expo concert i was also yelling his name(:
LOVES. haha
grow up, he's married with two kids xD
cabbed home w xy and egoh. friggin thirty bucks :O

went to meet the gang tday
shopped for my blouse then met them at xinwang
(& i got the card like finally. birthday gift to self :D)
waited like over an hour
ate then went to suntec to walk & gelare!
then went to rot somewhere in suntec having r21 bio talk
realised i am indeed, still not comfortable with the topic.
and find my stand on several issues v similar w 爸爸经
):
haha
left to take circle line again! then nel to meet family for watami
ate. alot. went chinatown to buy dessert and tiong bahru to buy pao :D
and
i rly hope
this nice feeling continues
because weekdays now
make me feel sad.
i hope tmr's job interview goes well
(whoever it is i'm actually seeing)
and i hope
tuesday's interview goes well too.
$13k.
gawddddddddd
and i hope
that void's filled soon.
):

~

160410

2010-04-16T13:53:00.001+08:00

unemployment blues.
well, this reeks ):

got to interview round
was quite happy
but reading the email
First Round Interview
gah wtf

i need a job
but nothing seems to fit
oh dearrrrrr

120410

2010-04-12T18:07:00.005+08:00

a getaway to our past years burnt
where reckless fun was a given
and worries were merely subjects of procrastination

chalet was cut short
but nvrtheless, kinda made its pt
we've not had our class trip or anything since grad
was nice to unwind away from life
(:

osim was kinda hell compared to prev ones we've went to
(we are laojiaos :D)
waiting, report, waiting, more waiting,
get duty, wait somemore
every single one swore nvr to do marshalling again
a little burnt too.
ended kinda late and cabbed
pizza & hairspray is loveeeee
even if everyone's too tired
(:

fun part! went arcade
and wasted $25 there collecting tickets :D
ended up with just 5 cans of drink and a gummy thing
a little pool too
funner part was indian poker (((:
highlight of the night(:
didn't sleep much but woke late
mac's for bfast and bowled and MORE ARCADE :D
(due to choice of chalet venue anw. bobian. bah)
left after lunch
like a return to our younger years(((((:

whoop di doop
i shall reduce reliance on fb
stop updating statuses for its own sake
shall nap
then wake up for my homework
):
still unemployed. sigh
goodbyes

090410

2010-04-10T00:18:00.006+08:00

你说想哭就弹琴
想起你就写信
情绪来了就不用太安静

i did the first
and if i had done the second,
i wld probably have published a journal or smth
(:
life's shit.
(i like one of the guitarist brother's hair tho :D)

stayed home today to write my essay
which is a little off focus after realised that
the email said 'attributes and experiences'
hell. dont have much exp to talk abt outside those on school records
shall leave it till monday
if i can actually get back on mon.
=/
off to osim+ chalet next few days
suddenly don't rly look forward
cos all the timings, packing, and thonning
it's a lazy thing. bah
and i dont feel like having to learn cycling. bah
):

seen on a friend's msn nick:
don't make someone your priority when you're only an option to them.
yeah, seen it thousand times before but somehow today
my first response was
hell. not even an option.
):
but anw doesn't matter. kinda. accepted
that's what turning nineteen means(:

had alot of funny dreams last night
that shant be disclosed
cos i think it's only funny to me
watch this show on discovery just now
telling you starving your body regularly makes it more alert
and possibly let you live longer
and smart people actually get answers in their sleep.
me? i just explore interesting scenarios
stuff that probably wldnt happen in real life
besides, how wld you tell what are dreams and not anyway
tsk

bad feeling gna be insomniac tonight again
just finished another zombie flick
prefer fido (:
and all the fusssssss is making me reluctant to go tmr
wtfffffff
bah
and i rly hope what temple said is wrong
not wrong, but hopefully they just missed out that part of prediction
gawd bah

see i told you
the skin doesn't rly work
i nvr said i'd be able to give up my
melancholic tendencies
boo
goodbye

060410

2010-04-06T23:56:00.004+08:00

There.
(:

hopefully.
today was alright.
but i may have to make yet another daunting choice
gosh.
just have to see how things go tmr.
anddddd
not to sound lesbo
but i think i have met my 贵人
not that she's ever left. GUESS :D

i want to ~~buy~~ wear dresses
):

on a brighter note,
kbox tmr!
(:
before that maybe joining hm in library!
new fav place because it has books AND wifi
:D
and it's a place for cheapos :D
and i had my first encounter w the (treacherous) world
of tuition. haven't got a student yet though :/

HEY I THINK THE BLOGSKIN WORKED
=D
OFF TO TUMBLR TO FIND EMO PICS
BYE!! (:

050410

2010-04-05T16:27:00.002+08:00

please stop raining.

did a facial! blotchy.
=/

feeling a little.. awful
after a talk abt my job
yes, i know it's a shit job
yes, i know the pay's rubbish
yes, i know the hours suck
but. i don't rly see the need to explain myself to you
since you're not me and thus
you won't see things my way.
so before you start trying to talk to me abt it,
please,
think.

sigh
it still burns though.
just rly hope it'll turn out right, just like Tiger did.
called up tuition.
~~
turning nineteen
means sticking by your decisions
no matter how bad they are.
okayyyy

shld i change my blogskin?
(:
to this?
but it might have a countereffect
since i have this thing with backfiring emotions
=p

please
stop raining.
been a busy week!
met many people, ate 2 steamboats :O
and i need to work on social skills
):
verbal diarrhoea's still a problem.
gosh.
tmr's training at anchorpt
then work starts Wed morning.
hopefully life works.
(:
hope.

Goodbye.
(:

Why.

290310

2010-03-29T22:44:00.002+08:00

Ha ha.

/edit
i hate staring at your name on my screen,
praying maybe the next moment your window will pop up my toolbar
because i've made that much an impact on your life
as you have to mine. ):

100310

2010-03-10T17:11:00.003+08:00

hello. i am blogging from work :D
after a long hard day
of chopping PAIDs
and running ard the campus labeling stuff
and spotting guys who actually look like those on tv.
(like finally!)
hahaha

i am off to gaigai in ard 20 mins time! :D
yay

on a slightly more emo side,
those memories feel like past lives
flashbacks play before my eyes
like one of those old school projected movies
i really do miss The Good Old Days
whether you like it or not.
Coke, Pokka, Marigold(s), Yeo's
and maybe Tiger.
( i saw a lady ytd wearing it. i felt v sad.)

Maybe it's time to move on.
the mirror you meet every morning tells the truth,
even if you no longer recognise the image staring back at you.
Even if it's no longer really you.
Sigh

All I hear is my echo
echo
echo

070310

2010-03-07T23:37:00.003+08:00

~~
~~~
lol thanks to tumblr
i keep thinking of the alien emoticon
tendrils ~~~
haha.

results out!
and my grades are. somewhat acceptable =)
uni shd be fine. but scholarships aren't.
were having discussion abt how to pay both bro & my fees tgt
sigh.
i rmb shuddering when egoh mentioned the two words
'bank loan'
immediate dip in mood.
damn.
rly dno where this will take me.
sncf? working?
and sis mentioned many PRCs in stats in her year.
damn. lol
not that i'm against them or anything.
but certainly, i know the wrath of previous such friends
when it comes to math. argh!
oh hell. i wont want to be elsewhere still..

work is fine i realise.
but being young and rash, fine isn't enough.
if seiyu's offer is a success i'll gladly hop.
but counting the number of days i've actually worked.
bloody little money -.-
sigh.
but i can't go on counting hours by hours right.
omt.

and i loved Alice In Wonderland
((((:
TIM BURTON ROCKS :D
can't say the same for iluma though.
yikes.
):

and i found my Kryptonite.
damn you(s).
))):
why couldn't life in this aspect be easier.
like. studies. mug = results, even if it's in LR.
but this.
sigh.
screw it.
sigh.
maybe tmr.
):
sigh.

goodbye

280210

2010-02-28T01:45:00.002+08:00

Hello self,

Just a casual reminder here.
Know your world,
& know your limits.
Know what things can happen in your life,
& what will not.

You fell hard,
but when you wake up tomorrow morning,
life's gna be different.
So wipe your tears
and get ready for another great day ahead tomorrow.
You can do this.
It's not the first time you've been through this shit
(certainly not the last too),
but you know you're tough enough for this.

Move along.
& take care.
(:

Love,
Me.

240210

2010-02-24T22:44:00.005+08:00

helluva ride.

i'm planning to leave my job before the contract ends.
i recognise it being immature and weak,
but that does not do anything to change the fact i am unable
to adjust to cubicle life and else.
i like to ensure i am comfortable
and i actually enjoy my time wherever i may be.
yet it is evident that it isn't so after a week.

we shall see if by that day i've set
things are better. if not, goodbye..

& vanilla twilight makes me feel
really really
lonely ):

've been out w fi and/or hm to help
but somehow chat > work
as with friends. hah
it's the only reason i pull through the day
(besides emailing seiyu and having my nice picnic lunch)
(:

http://www.maybetomorrow-.tumblr.com/
've been using tumblr at work since it's pretty much the only alternative to fb =/

call it unoriginal and stuff, but kinda like the graphics there

(:

love this pic i found on tumblr.
guess nobody but me rly knows the significance of it (:

sigh
maybe tomorrow.
(:
embodies both uncertainty and procrastination
HAHA

goodbye(:

190210

2010-02-19T09:40:00.003+08:00

[edit]

Being for Others (Love/Masochism - Hate/Sadism)
Sartre states that many relationships are created by people's attraction not to another person but rather how that person makes them feel about themselves by how they look at them. This is a state of emotional alienation whereby a person avoids experiencing their subjectivity by identifying themselves with "the look" of the other. The consequence is conflict. In order to keep the person's own being the person must control the other, but must control the freedom of the other "as freedom". These relationships are a profound manifestation of "bad faith" as the for-itself is replaced with the other's freedom. The purpose of either participant is not to exist but to maintain the other participant's looking at them. This system is often mistakenly called love, but is in fact nothing more than emotional alienation and a denial of freedom through conflict with the other. Sartre believes that it is often created as a means of making the unbearable anguish of a person's relationship to their "Facticity" (all of the concrete details against the background of which human freedom exists and is limited, such as birthplace and time) bearable.

(wikipedia)
-
OH JOY.

i finished another week's work
and it's only been an hour since work started -.-

joy.
i think i'm beginning to enjoy the solitude.
i dont rly want to speak to anyone today
(in the office)
sad eh.
time to brush up on being intellectual again!
philo here i come
(:

survival instinct (:
goodbye

**
& i rly hate the fact
you're not around
):

090210

2010-02-09T23:54:00.003+08:00

HELLO WORLD(:

L O V E
keeps me going (:
Love of what?
No idea too.
(:

"Waist deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone"
(:

tmr's gna be a busy busy day!
morning off to meet joan at nyp for bakkwa
lunch with dad
(rmb to print my appn form at jp!)
interview at 2
and work at 3 :O
and maybe another interview somewhere =P
hopefully the time thing pans outttt
(:

BIG LOVEEEEEE
(not the show. but rather the phrase itself)
(:

AND I AM SO GOING TO BUY MYSELF
A PAIR OF LOAFERS W MY PAY.
QUEENZWAY =D

!!
AND I LOVE WORK
AND THE CAMARADERIE
=)
LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

GOODSBYE =)

070110

2010-02-07T23:13:00.002+08:00

tortured souls produce the most intense works.

this shall stay a happier place.
turned jud's little notebook into emo scribble pad
and
shall post some on tumblr.

cheerios

060110

2010-02-06T10:30:00.004+08:00

"I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

-Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

[/edit]

from a Fairly Oddparents ep:
" I wish I had no emotions!"
Sometimes i wish so too.
(Or rather the power
to keep such intense yet fickle emotions in check..)

300110

2010-01-30T19:51:00.003+08:00

woosh :)

life's just a tad boring these few weeks.
've been sitting on my unemployed tookus for almost two months
and job's starting monday.
suddenly getting the jitters after seeing the rest start work.
standing there for four hours stoning is still manageable
but in the second week, full days shift. oh my.
):

the same feeling from A's is coming
the notion of wanting my life to go on
nothing much new has rly happened yet
not rly many new friends, new grounds
maybe monday'll be a good start
and maybe
the new year will bring better prospects
for work. gee

seeing a person suddenly change over such a short period is somewhat..
startling. (okay, maybe just eyebrow-raising.)
sure, i've seen others before, but hardly such a sharp twist.
due credit to estrogen, i guess.
it's not a bad thing, just..
can see the happiness oozing out of her pores
gee.
(:

sigh.
seup-guan
two emotion-evoking syllables
sometimes things can't just be packed away in boxes
and shoved under the bed
out of sight, out of mind?
like please, you know they're there
and they will have to be handled someday
whet to put up in the open for show
or thrown out like the rest of the memories
oh well.
too much teevee
and too much time again.

goodbye.
=)

2010-01-17T23:37:00.005+08:00

too much sleep
yet too little rest
my mind's really taxed.

a thousand concerns and worries
every night's a different dream (or two)
and all seem to point to alarming signs
this is supposed to be a luxury, remember?
waking up at ten and doing what you want
pursuing what you've been wanting to do since day one
but all this is really backfiring.

two months wasted
all for a twelve day stint
thank you phoenix tattoo
you could have come before i took the job

sure, others are having substantial problems to handle themselves
mine are probably conjured up by my lovely little nut
but nevertheless terrifyingly real to me.

):

090110

2010-01-09T20:49:00.003+08:00

现在是三点钟, 你应该还没醒呢。
这有点刺眼的光线会不会打扰你呢？
梦不会实现了, 我应该要醒了。
我不该只懂得配合你习惯短暂的温热。
我努力要自己避开和你曾走过的地带，
但是又和不舍拉扯, 处在我快乐的界外。
我何尝不是一个人来决定爱的延长赛，
奈何总是勉强对自己有一个善良的交代。

050110

2010-01-05T23:23:00.002+08:00

小时候，
每当看鬼戏，
我会想哭，
因为太相信戏里的东西。

这也是为什么现在，
每当看偶像剧，
我会想哭。

慧贤呀
帮帮自己一个大忙
别再看这些
让人以为童话故事还存在的
垃圾呀

天啊~

2010-01-01T03:08:00.002+08:00

新年_ _ !

(...快乐呢?)

271209

2009-12-27T16:50:00.007+08:00

LAST NIGHT

2045: JE mrt

2130: Vivo

2200: St James (up to the door, complications :D)

2315: Clarke Quay (hooters!! lol)

2330: Bungy Bar

0200: Lunar (despite the the others' sentiments, i actually enjoyed the music there :D I TOTALLY LOVE THE GUY'S BRAIDSSSS)

0400: Rebel (booming speakers and my atas eardrums do not go.)

0430: Lying Around

0515: Mac (McGriddles((((: )

0715: Home Sweet Home

241209

2009-12-24T23:18:00.002+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS(:

my favourite song every year around this time.
(:

圣诞结- 陈奕迅

maybe next year..

2009-12-09T14:19:00.002+08:00

BOYBAND ALERT!!!!!!!!!!! HA
it's kinda cheesy but i'm liking this song (((:

Everybody In Love by JLS

081209

2009-12-09T00:24:00.002+08:00

prom's over!
was pretty much just eat, nth much to scream about.
(though smelly feet! aha)

was abit lazy to go around taking pictures, so as expected i have v much fewer photos as compared to nh.
food was alright.
makeup sucks anw
same conclusion as prev prom:
i'm better off without makeup ((:
and i love my cliqueeeeee(:

no postprom for me
as the mood wasnt there and everyone had stuff the next day
but we had our own mini version!
cabbing to orchard mrt
chionging in heels from lucky plaza to the mrt (mine was 3.5 inch!)
1 min arrival! and my shoe strap broke
hobbled past the barriers
and took off the other heel on the escalator and sprinted into the train
in the nick of time
talk about adrenaline rushhhhhhh
(:

woke up today feeling utter crap
like hangover even without alcohol
slept in, woke up, read a book, slept somemore, read more
then went out to meet xy and hm
and sat ard more
i mean i love being able to sit ard and talk w/o a care,
but it rly sucks to be unemployed
(even if it is only Day One)
spending almost 200 on prom
and counting the expenditure on going out
and my new phone
i feel like throttling myself for each day i'm jobless

you can be lonely
even in company.
):

Please call me back tmrrrrrrrr ):

061209

2009-12-06T17:20:00.002+08:00

granted my lovely present clique (who's coming over tmr YAY)

only nanhwa
(and the people i've met there)
can make me laugh
and feel like
that.

like no other.

(:

031209

2009-12-04T00:26:00.003+08:00

oh gee can't you see
i'm having a makeover
internally
i'm starting anew

i may look the same from a few years back
dress the same
speak the same

but very well
i'd like to think i've changed mentally
sure,
insecurities are only nature to man
but i know for now
after eighteen years of struggle
there's no point in trying to force in the ill-fitting jigsaw piece
if you're out, enjoy the fresh air
standing out for the past eighteen years
there's really no reason get get back in line.

(BUT i'm not gna be a social misfit
or anti-social character
or a hermit,
i'm just saying
it doesn't hurt to be the lone warrior
away from the herd
if you want to (8
)

hoorah

261109

2009-11-27T00:41:00.003+08:00

Dear self,

after your setbacks today,
hope you've learnt a lesson
on the workings of the corporate world.
you're eighteen and an adult,
and you have to start acting that way.
you're no longer the sixteen-year-old temp
whom people will take pity on.

come Dec 8,
if you're not facing any prospective employment
you'd better take your brother's heartfelt advice
and get his agent's number.

now that it's in black and white,
no weaseling out of your word
for another one of those
naive, whimsical bookstore dreams of yours.

love,
me.

241109

2009-11-24T22:41:00.000+08:00

pangsofsanity.tumblr.com

8)

201109

2009-11-20T22:32:00.002+08:00

POKES

three papers more
four days to freedom part one
when the arts peeps screamed after econs
realised there wldnt be anyone to share that joy come the 30th
(pump fist w the guys? lol)

too found out
despite my love for humanities and language
my proficiency still lies in science and math
alas
philo and languages shall have to remain recreational

and
pray i get through this safe and sound
without a third year
thanks to gp and/or econs
sigh
pray hard Times will hire me
pray that prom goes well
pray my hoped schedule will pan out
and i will get to gym
and change my horrigible lifetsyle
(watched tv recently? a BMI of 23 and above and you're doomed. gawd.)

"funny ah your brother is the english cmi one
but he listen to 987
your sister is the english one
listen to 933
so you in the centre right?'
yes,
strangely(:
it's a balance thing...
modern yet grounded

i'm a week too late
can't believe i wasn't there
but the worse part is
i wouldnt even know what to say
):

sigh

Just Haven't Met You Yet
=)

271009

2009-10-27T20:40:00.006+08:00

你的歌-陶吉吉

喜欢你冷淡的安静
笑容又胜过了太阳
我只能投降
怀疑自己的冲动
怕机会一瞬间错过
决定不再想

你说我们是两个世界的人
但是否可能
我相信只要我爱你
什么都可以一切都可以
我爱你爱你没道理
没道理爱你爱你就可以
就是痴心的痴心的沉溺
沉溺在爱你就让我沉溺
yeah

无法理解你不说话
我进不到你心里面
像有一道墙
怀疑当初的冲动
是不是开始就是错
许多事没想

或许不爱你也不需要你
我无法继续继续骗我自己
必须要放弃
要放弃了你别在我心底
希望他比我爱你爱你
还是你的歌
still your song....~

231009

2009-10-23T22:01:00.006+08:00

"The Era of Stupidity."

-
one of the best ways to relieve yourself of your troubles,
paradoxically,
is to open those newspapers
and stare at the calamities and disasters befalling mankind
and you find yourself shrinking into the tiny individual you are.

how do you even dare grouse
about not buying that new handphone
or not being able to go out and have fun,
when these pictures are staring back at you
branding the sorry state of the world into your mind.
you should feel minute, insignificant, useless
and maybe actually be grateful that you are safe and sound
and alive
rather than being so peripheral about your material wants

what an irony
i love numbers, figures, formulas
that scream logic, regularity and facts
yet i wish i could tear away from these statistics
and actually for the first time
cling on to the belief that the world will be alright.

See the big picture.
):

2009-10-19T19:37:00.003+08:00

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Languages are probably Acts of Service and Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Acts of Service:	10
Quality Time:	10
Words of Affirmation:	5
Physical Touch:	3
Receiving Gifts:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

i can stand up on stage and address a crowd
i can approach random strangers for favours
i can lead a team for a common goal
but i can't even give that smile

300909

2009-09-30T19:00:00.006+08:00

i had those fantasies on the road again.

since years ago,
whenever i had to cross the road from the bus stop,
while standing on the barrier in between the roads
the image of me flinging myself into the traffic would creep into my mind,
even more so when i was exhausted or frustrated.

my my.
crossing to the bus stop from school only fuelled such dreams again today.
i was only a step away from peak hour traffic along Corporation Road.
even as i was walking on the road,
i could visualise the impact of the frame colliding with my right side,
the instantaneous crack of my bones
and the impact which would fling me metres away.

oh you,
overactive imagination.
if only narratives still existed at A Levels.
):

(fi, and others who still can't find my tagboard after 86947370986 years of visiting this skin,
do click on the second M of the the 'MAINSTREAM'.
and btw i love you loads, fi ((((: )

290909

2009-09-29T19:55:00.003+08:00

一个人撑伞
一个人擦泪
一个人好累

i think i need a new best friend.
too many conversations with me,
at home, on the bus, at school, in the dead of the night.
i think i've been with myself a little too much.

've never really been the kid who needed mum to bring me to school
or the teacher to watch and ensure work was done
or the kid who would die without superglued friends.
but no matter how comfortable with yourself as your closest mate
(as would many Taureans),
at the end of the day,
you are still alone,
looking at the lone reflection in the mirror,
wondering why in the first place
did you have to be so independent
that nobody expects you to even have the tiniest desire
for a shoulder to lean on?

i'm just grousing.
it's probably the fact that there's 9 more weeks of crap to put up with.
pointless, rote learning crap which would prove valuable to others in the path of life,
but probably not for me since i reckon i already do have a conscience which would serve me well for the rest of my years or at least until 2012 when the world goes BOOMZ. perhaps the Moral Assessment mentioned in econs class would be my better subject.

ah screw it. back to mugging.
time spent emoing is time wasted.
so near yet so far
nice from far, far from nice xD
cheerios